a free heart's reflections ...

Another New Blog …

Heather — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 12:21:52 +0000

Well, I’m officially tired … tired of trying to manage multiple blogs that is. So I’ve created a new one that will be a catch-all blog. I also moved back to Blogger because I wanted to be able to customize it more. Anyway, you can read it here, and here’s a screen shot –

Blessings!

~Heather

New Year … New You … and Me … and My Family …

Heather — Wed, 02 Jan 2008 12:43:37 +0000

That was the most clever title I could come up with at the moment. We have some big changes coming this new year – Little Buttercup is going to public school. Yes … you read that right. After much fervent prayer our oldest will begin attending the school up the street. How did we come to this, you ask. Well …

If you know me or have read my blog for any length of time then you know the troubles that I have with my oldest. We butt heads … constantly. And homeschooling her, quite literally, is a daily battle and a struggle for who has the power. It’s me, right?!?! LOL …

There have been many days that I excuse myself and shut the door to my room, call Brandon and tell him that I can’t do this any more. But it’s always a “in the heat of the moment” comment, always a reaction to a difficult situation, so I’ve never really given it a 2nd thought. Until now …

We (she and I) had a moment that left me broken and crying out to the Lord for help, for change. I began fervently praying about the situation and not very long after I knew what needed to change … Me. In the meantime, however, we need some separation, a break from one another, some time to heal, some absence to make the heart grow fonder.

Is this my #1 desire? No, it isn’t, but sometimes the Lord has us set aside our desires for the greater good. My family needs peace. They need love from me. They need to see Jesus in me. I want to delight in my daughter. These things aren’t happening and haven’t been happening. I need to take some time and work on me. My family deserves that.

So, there you have it. A new year and some big changes. I wonder what the future holds…

Blessings!

~Heather

Failure and Forgiveness

Heather — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 19:11:21 +0000

I keep writing sentences and erasing them this morning. I think it’s because I still do not think that I should share specifically what the Lord is doing with me, right now, in my heart. It’s a wonderful, wonderful thing, but I am not at liberty to share details. But I did want to share something the Lord spoke to my heart yesterday.

I was reading through some Scriptures yesterday morning and came across 2 Corinthians 2:5-8

If anyone has caused grief, he has not so much grieved me as he has grieved all of you, to some extent—not to put it too severely. The punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient for him. Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him.

In a book that I am reading through, the writer has this to say about the passage above:

Father, help me understand that the punishment and repercussions that come to people when they have done wrong is often sufficient for them. Instead of causing more grief, Your Word says I ought to forgive and comfort the person, so that he or she will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. Lord help me to the be the kind of person I’d want ministering to me after I failed.

It was that last sentence that got me … Lord help me to be the kind of person that I would want ministering to me when I fail. Wow. What kind of minister am I? Do I minister to others the way that I want them to minister to me? Those questions really got me thinking about myself, about failure and about forgiveness.

I soon realized that I am arrogant and judgmental and grudge-bearing. I don’t minister to others the way that would want them to minister to me when I fail. I need to change … I must change … I want to change. I want to minister God’s miraculous grace and mercy and love to the world. How can I do that with so much arrogance and judgmentalness and such in my heart? No, I cannot.

Lord help me to be the kind of person that I would want ministering to me when I fail.

Apathetic

Heather — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 14:34:21 +0000

I have become apathetic. While writing that last sentence I realized that the word apathetic contains the word “pathetic”. Anyway …..

Apathetic means:

not interested or concerned; indifferent or unresponsive

And that would describe me over the past 9 months. I was talking with a friend about a week ago about my desire for community and about some things that happened that hurt me over the past couple of years. And in that conversation she said one word that the Lord used to open my eyes … apathy.

As soon as the word came out of her mouth I knew that was the perfect word to describe the state I have been in regarding people and the church over the past 9 months. So last week I was really trying to not be so pathetic, … er … um … apathetic. Then Sunday night we visited a new church (new to us) and the the message was about hearing God. It was good and very timely. I realized during the evening that not only had I been apathetic toward people, but I had become apathetic toward God too. Wow. I hadn’t really realized it until Sunday night.

I won’t get into details right now about the things the Lord has shown me over the past 3 days, because I don’t feel the freedom to do so yet, but let me just say that God has rekindled a fire within me that had seemingly burned out. Monday morning I cried as I listened to “O Holy Night” on the radio, I cried when I saw a wooden Santa bowing to the Baby Jesus on a neighbor’s lawn, and yesterday morning I cried when I saw the beautiful sunrise out my upstairs window. I cried this morning when I realized just how much the Lord loves me and just how much He has forgiven me.

I’m praising God this morning that He will never leave me nor forsake me …

And I wanted to share this song with you, if you haven’t heard it already … it’s beautiful and I can’t seem to get it out of my mind …

Thanks!

Heather — Thu, 06 Sep 2007 12:31:07 +0000

Thanks, everyone, for your concern … I am good … better than good – I am great. Life has just become so busy, or should I say that I am putting my priorities in order more. Instead of getting up early and spending time on the computer I am getting up and going to the gym. And we’re also doing homeschool and Baby Buttercup has given up her morning nap so it’s hectic around here when I get home.

I’ve been spending my time working out and trying to eat better and counting calories and all that … I really have been needing to take better care of myself for some time now. And I spend other free time sewing, which I love.

So that’s me right now … Schooling, sweating and sewing … and, again, thanks so much for your care and concern for me!!

Love you all!

~Heather

Saviour King

Heather — Wed, 15 Aug 2007 16:03:34 +0000

I love Hillsong’s music. We had the great opportunity once to worship with Darlene Zschech leading … it was awesome. This past Sunday we sang the following song and I have not been able to get it out of my mind, so I searched for it on iTunes. Wouldn’t you know it … you can’t buy just the song, you have to buy the entire album. Well, it’s such a great song that it was worth buying the entire album. The rest of the album is good also, but this song is just … wonderful!

You can hear the entire song here (yes, I am being lazy about posting it myself). It’s a ~L~O~N~G~ song, but so worth the listen … it gets really good about 4 minutes in …

Here are the lyrics …

Let now the weak say I have strength
By the spirit of power that raised Christ from the dead
Let now the poor stand and confess
That my portion is Him and I’m more blessed

Let now our hearts burn with a flame
A fire consuming all for your Son’s holy name
And with the heavens we declare
You are our king

We love you Lord, we worship you
You are our God, you alone are good

Let now your church shine as the bride
That you soar in your heart as you offered up your life
Let now the lost be welcomed home
By the saved and redeemed those adopted as your own

We love you Lord, we worship you
You are our God, you alone are good

I love you Lord, I worship you
Hope which was lost, now stands renewed

I give my life to honor this
The love of Christ, the savior king

You asked your Son to carry this
The heavy cross our weight of sin

I give my life to honor this
The love of Christ, the savior king

Dwight Schrute BobbleHead …

Heather — Sun, 05 Aug 2007 00:42:25 +0000

Happy EARLY Birthday to me … a package just arrived in the mail from my dear friend, Paige. We share an affinity for odd humor, especially The Office. So I open the box and what to my wondering eyes should appear? A Dwight Schrute Bobblehead doll! LOL! I laugh every time I look at it… thanks Paige!!

Slow to Become Angry …

Heather — Sat, 28 Jul 2007 00:29:12 +0000

I’m having a hard time with that one these days. If you’ve read my blog then you know that my oldest, Little Buttercup (she’s 7) and I butt heads quite a bit. And things have been going well, but over the past week, I dunno, I’m so easily frustrated and angry with her. I see SO much of myself in her, things that I am frustrated with in MYSELF, and when I see those things that I struggle with I guess I become angry … because I see myself. Did that make sense?

And sometimes I think that maybe I expect too much from her, but then other times I think that most of what I ask of her is perfectly reasonable for a 7-year-old. I’m at a loss. Wednesday night I was at a complete loss. I was on the verge of tears – literally – as the church service was beginning. But as I sang praises to the Lord that all melted away and I found my self asking forgiveness for wishing she wasn’t so difficult to deal with sometimes. I guess things could be worse after all. Still, it’s hard to know just how to handle her, and myself, sometimes.

But I do have to say that things are much, much better than they have ever been … perhaps I am seeking perfection? Maybe … but I also have a tendency to beat myself up when I get even the slightest bit angry and frustrated, which leads to – you guessed it – more anger and frustration. *sigh*

I also find myself comparing her with Baby Buttercup (I know, I know …). You see, Baby Buttercup is so, well, typical. You know, terrible twos have begun and all that, but it’s all pretty normal stuff. Little Buttercup has never been “normal” … I mean, she’s healthy in every way, just marches to the beat of her own different drummer. And that’s good. But then, it can also be bad. Like I said, I’m at a loss … *sigh* again …

If you think about us, please pray for her and for me…I would really appreciate it!

Thanks!

Why I Haven’t Been Around Much

Heather — Fri, 27 Jul 2007 23:20:26 +0000

Those lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer …

We’re experiencing a drought right now and the only way for the girls to get water is through the Slip ‘n Slide:

Of course, I’m just kidding. This how they spent the afternoon yesterday. The top is Little Buttercup and our neighbor and the bottom is Baby Buttercup.

By the way … when I went to get the link for the Slip ‘n Slide (just check out this link) I found multiple (as in 18!) different versions. Kids today have it way better than we did … remember our slip ‘n slides? Ouch!

Reflecting on Cuteness

Heather — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 13:57:11 +0000

These are just for you Aunt Pam!

Last night at my brother’s 40th birthday party, my sis-in-law was playing with Baby Buttercup’s hair and said I should put it up in little ponytails, so I was inspired this morning … ain’t she cute? I couldn’t resist …