I have become apathetic. While writing that last sentence I realized that the word apathetic contains the word “pathetic”. Anyway …..
Apathetic means:
not interested or concerned; indifferent or unresponsive
And that would describe me over the past 9 months. I was talking with a friend about a week ago about my desire for community and about some things that happened that hurt me over the past couple of years. And in that conversation she said one word that the Lord used to open my eyes … apathy.
As soon as the word came out of her mouth I knew that was the perfect word to describe the state I have been in regarding people and the church over the past 9 months. So last week I was really trying to not be so pathetic, … er … um … apathetic. Then Sunday night we visited a new church (new to us) and the the message was about hearing God. It was good and very timely. I realized during the evening that not only had I been apathetic toward people, but I had become apathetic toward God too. Wow. I hadn’t really realized it until Sunday night.
I won’t get into details right now about the things the Lord has shown me over the past 3 days, because I don’t feel the freedom to do so yet, but let me just say that God has rekindled a fire within me that had seemingly burned out. Monday morning I cried as I listened to “O Holy Night” on the radio, I cried when I saw a wooden Santa bowing to the Baby Jesus on a neighbor’s lawn, and yesterday morning I cried when I saw the beautiful sunrise out my upstairs window. I cried this morning when I realized just how much the Lord loves me and just how much He has forgiven me.
I’m praising God this morning that He will never leave me nor forsake me …
And I wanted to share this song with you, if you haven’t heard it already … it’s beautiful and I can’t seem to get it out of my mind …
Heather,
Thank you for sharing your struggles with us. You are not alone – again. Many people go through times of apathy, bitterness, anger, etc, but they usually cover up those feelings with busyness in church programs. The people that I’ve talked with think something like this, “As long as I’m ‘involved’ then everything must be okay between me and God.” Unfortunately, they rarely realize that busyness is not the same as relationship, and sometimes this goes on for years.
I’m glad to hear that God has broken through your apathy. He loves us, and if we will take the time to listen to him, he will always draw us back into his love.
-Alan
Hey Heather,
Welcome back, I definitely feel your pain. I am actually going to be posting a post tomorrow called “Bored with ‘church’…” It has some similarities to some of the things you’ve brought out in this post. I think they go together pretty well!
Alan,
I think you’re wrong, don’t you know that idle hands are the devils workshop
.
God’s Glory,
Lew
The Pursuit Online Store
theist = one who believes in God
atheist = one who does not believe in God (in other words, not a theist)
The “a-” prefix makes the word mean the opposite.
Ergo:
apathetic = not pathetic
Heather-
I understand the feelings you’ve expressed here. I have definitely been through times when I didn’t “feel” anything. It can be quite lonely–but reality is that we are not alone. It doesn’t matter how we feel, God has not left us. He is always wanting to show His love to us, if we make ourselves aware of His presence in the details of our lives. I’m impressed with the small things, the things that aren’t important to anyone but me…God knows what those small things are and meets me there. His love is incredible. How awesome that He is showing you the beauty that surrounds you. I look forward to reading more!
BTW–love the video–was that Hillsong? I wasn’t familiar with that one… beautiful!
Christy
Love Revelation song! Everytime they sing this song I keep singing it all day long.
It’s good to see your blog in bold in my Google Reader again!
When I’m feeling apathetic, I don’t want to sing praise and worship, have a quiet time, or work on a Bible study just to be going through the motions of spending time with God. But I find that when I pray about it beforehand and ask that God would bless that time and change my heart even though I don’t feel like doing it, He answers.